Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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