i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
