this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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