Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
