Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
