I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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