end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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