I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
