Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well you can't waste a boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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