just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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