I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize