Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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