Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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