I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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