I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
