I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
