Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am naked and annoyed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
