she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
