Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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