Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
