A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
