I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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