The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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