Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
