Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
