I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
