I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
