Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
