Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
