Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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