I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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