from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
