She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
