Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
