After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
