He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
