1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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