He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
