Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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