You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
