I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
