I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
