did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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