Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
