I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
