I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
