when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i have two assholes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
