He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
