im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
