sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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