I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
