i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
