Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
