her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
