To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
