every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
