the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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