took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
