I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
