I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
