On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
