His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
