I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
