No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
