i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
