I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize