so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
